Hello all and hope you are well!
Today I wanted to look at the art and challenge of self-acceptance; the practice of accepting ourselves with all of our unique foibles, idiosyncrasies and less than shiny bits. (No ifs, ands or buts.)

This practice is so essential because it fundamentally informs the way we perceive the world, others and our own self. And our perceptions create our ‘reality’……or at least how we feel about it and choices we make.
My question to you is this:
When you think of yourself and look at the complete/everything included version, do you allow all your different parts to show themselves or are there some parts you consistently keep hidden away? (Hidden except for when they manage to act out or until you can tuck them back out of sight.)
Are there parts of your self you don’t show due to shame, embarrassment or simply feel they are ‘unacceptable’?
Are there parts of yourself you don’t like?
This is interesting territory to look into because it is a natural human response to avoid things we don’t like or enjoy. It seems quite ‘normal’ to ignore those less than savory parts or tuck them outside of the light of who we (want to) see ourselves to be. (And many of us have our parts that we might struggle with….)
The truth is, I have yet to discover a way of fully seeing, loving or accepting oneself that might include a severing or rejection of certain parts of our selves for any reason.
With this in mind, if we are participating in any form of blacklisting or diminishing of certain parts, I don’t see how we will be able to fully enjoy the nourishment of self-acceptance and authentic self-love.
(Again, when I say ‘authentic self-love’ or acceptance I am speaking of the kind where there are no caveats or strings attached. It is a state of being without an ‘if’ or ‘but’.)
It can be quite a puzzle because what we have generally learned is to only acknowledge or truly show the parts that we like or are ‘acceptable’. And since this is status quo, it seems like this behavior is a no brainer, right?
But what if…
What if the key to consistent and grounded self –love/acceptance is actually about gathering together all parts of us? Even if we don’t like them, what if we choose to invite them in and accept them as is?
What if we gave these parts caring face time (and not just when they are ‘acting out’ or causing a ruckus inside of us)?
Here’s what I know; each of us have these parts that we might want to reject or hide, even from ourselves. And each of our reasons and relationships with these parts are unique to our own lives. That is why there will always be a unique approach we each need to discover for ourselves. But I fully believe each of us can discover this approach and a deeper sense of self-acceptance without question.
These parts that we try to ignore always find ways to speak up and get out from under wherever we have ‘hidden’ them. This internal dynamic creates a tension and even a setup for pitfalls. It can support a system of continuous push/pull that leads to a sense of internal struggle, depression or self-deprecation (to name a few). It can also fuel dynamics you perpetuate in your external relationships with others. These inner dynamics can cause replicated behaviors of rejecting others, reacting as opposed to communicating or favoring only that which is simple/pleasant. (I am sure each of us can connect the dots along these lines somewhere in our own lives)
Learning to recognize how we shut out or snub certain parts of ourselves and then choosing to integrate them back into the ‘whole’ can actually free up energy we are exerting to keep them ‘out’ or hidden. This acceptance and integration that we can cultivate is a tool that benefits not only ourselves but also our interactions and relationships with others. It can bring a sense of calm, empowerment and renewed energy within us that has a domino effect throughout our lives.
Learning to “ride the bike”
I realize that this is generally easier said than done and I don’t offer any of these suggestions lightly. For me, the practice of the self  is one that requires attention, patience and a whole lotta kindness. The metaphor of riding a bike works pretty well here and all the qualities of: focus, consistent practice, encouragement, repetition, willingness, effort and…. falling over.
When we first learned to ride a bike we might have gotten frustrated, had a bit of a cry, felt scared or even fallen but somewhere in the process we simply needed to take a breath, trust and try again. We didn’t typically accept that falling over was all there was to it and stop there.
Accepting and loving our selves without question is similar in this way. First we need to recognize there is something beyond our conditioned patterns to move towards. To a certain degree I am not even sure we are aware of this ‘self -practice’ that can help cultivate an all round more pleasant ride in our lives. Many of us have reached the point where we can at least function on autopilot so why fix something ‘if it ain’t broken’.

It’s as if we don’t realize we can cruise smoothly on our bikes and tend to think that constantly falling over every few feet is as good as it gets. But imagine the difference if falling became more infrequent and you could actually enjoy sailing downhill with your feet on the handlebars. Suddenly even the challenges of hills and traffic became more manageable or possibly nourishing.
When we engage the qualities of awareness, focus, willingness and kindness and apply them to our own personal growth…anything is possible.
If living with less stress, tension and criticism were possible would you choose to move in that direction?
If cultivating more self love and energy were within reach would you try or practice something different?
If yes, then try this.
Our ‘small stories’: Affecting Change
I read somewhere that ‘our small story can only sustain itself if it remains unconscious. Recognizing it is the beginning of the end.’
For me this means that actually becoming aware of our habitual patterns towards not fully accepting ourselves is the first step towards change.

• We realize that we have divisive habits that use up crucial energy and are not serving us.
• We realize that the habit of diminished self-acceptance can perpetuate the same behavior towards others in our lives.
• We acknowledge that we are capable of developing new habits that are more sustainable.

​In order to affect change we must have clarity, keep it simple and on some level see it is achievable. This way we can decrease resistance, avoid gumption traps and maintain a sense of inner encouragement.
So, in learning how to ride this bike we start small and simple. You get to discover your own tweaks for what works best for your own personal environment.
Practice
Since we are focusing on self-acceptance of all parts of our selves this is where we will hone our attention. At some point during your day (perhaps just before bed) take a few minutes to survey the range of your thoughts and feelings and see if there are any moments you notice a lack of self acceptance or a diminishing thought about some part of yourself.
Just notice it and see if you can take a breath with it and find some way to perfectly accept and acknowledge without judgment this feeling or thought. Try to create a field of acceptance without question and embrace this ‘part’. Notice what this type of acceptance feels like in your body…the sense of it. And that’s all. You can do this with as many thoughts as you have the energy to fully find acceptance for and when you feel complete (even if this is after just one)….you simply let it go.
Creating a memory for the felt sense of acceptance is powerful. It’s like programming a computer or building a bridge….as you practice it allows more access to your ability to create acceptance.
This practice may sound too simple but it is amazingly potent to begin by accepting the parts that are often the ones doing the bullying. This small act can set a trend towards getting to know what this type of acceptance feels like in your body, creating a memory to access it more easily in the future and building bridges for integrating all your different parts no matter what they look like. It also flips the ‘game’ or conditioning on it’s head. We generally play out these habits in a particular way and if we can interrupt the usual M.O. then we open up the gates for other possibilities.


This is the laboratory of you….and you are the genius within it all. You never know what you might discover….experimenting with the practice can uncover new truths, solve old mysteries or perhaps just give you wings for flying on that bike of yours.
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                                                         Thank you for reading.
                                                                                    So much love, Jacqueline

Radical Embodiment is about challenging your own perceptions and perspectives. It is about questioning the layers of who you think you are and what you think you know and also honoring who you are and what you believe. This might sound contradictory, and in some ways, it is.
Life is filled with these contradictions and learning how to move between them is a potent skill. It teaches us to see the many sides and perspectives that always exist anywhere in life. 

Radical Embodiment asks us to be strong AND flexible as we do the deep dive into how our experiences, genetics, society, culture, language and more have shaped who we are, what we believe and our perceptions. It guides us towards being curious about our own identity and to even question concepts like identity itself. It asks us to question how our language itself can divide us in ways that makes each of us an 'other' as opposed to finding the bridges that connect us.

Radical Embodiment asks us to dig into the very roots of how we perceive ourselves and others. This involves the external and actual physical markers all around us but equally includes the internal visuals and landscape we have created over a lifetime.
How do we meet ourselves? How do we meet others? How do our perceptions limit or support these meetings? Can you let go of what you think you know in order to experience something new? And then trust yourself to choose what to do with that experience? 

Radical Embodiment is not asking you to let go of who you are but rather…let it grow, evolve and expand.
​And all along the way, you are guiding this with your ability to choose or change perspectives. And while we are speaking about choice...this term (Radical Embodiment) is not attached to being called 'radical', 'embodiment' or anything else. The potency of it exists by your choice no matter what you call it. I chose the word 'radical' as it lets you know this is a different approach to the status quo. Indeed, the definition of 'radical' indicates something very different from anything that has come before it. And yet interestingly...the noun, radical, comes from the Latin radix or "root".  The root of something speaks to its essence or nature of where it comes from. And so while the word 'radical' can be loaded with energies that people often want to steer clear of....the origin of the word itself asks us to look below and see what is underlying. For me, this inherently asks us to see differently...to look differently...to find new perspective. And then I feel the word 'embodiment' represents a multi-layered and active engagement of the person. That is why I chose the two words together to present this approach. All this to say...find the words that invite you in to do this work. Find the words that bridge you into your own empowerment and claiming of this. For me, words are only as useful as their ability to open doors and build bridges.

I believe that each of us can embody choice as we explore multiple ways of perceiving within ourselves and that by living forward into this, we support one another by example. New possibility emerges within us as individuals and then ripples out to how we choose to interact, how we speak and what we believe in collectively in our communities and beyond. 
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As you may have noticed I spend a lot of time talking about this thing called awareness. I really believe that developing your awareness, even in the most subtle and small ways, is an essential tool for anything you want to do in your life. Often I am talking about making changes, moving beyond limitations or getting unstuck. But truly, developing your awareness will serve you across the board with anything you do in your life.
So, I am going to continuously talk about how powerful it is and give you different perspectives on ‘why’ because I think it helps to have an understanding of why you are doing or investing in something. Understanding where it fits into your growth and development helps you have an intuitive wisdom with developing it for yourself.
In this post I am offering a simple exercise called ‘Body Scan’. It helps you to develop your awareness beginning with something you have right now; your body.
You can do the exercise anywhere but when you first begin it helps to be somewhere where you can have some quiet and close your eyes for at least 10 minutes.


Body Scan
This is a simple meditation that also uses visualization. You can walk yourself through it very simply as a way to focus your awareness.
Gently close your eyes and let yourself settle into your body with whatever position you have found whether seated or lying down. Take a few full breaths with clear inhales and exhales.
Now bring your focus and attention to your feet. Imagine you are like a small explorer and are able to climb this landscape of the body both inside and out. Notice the bottom of the feet, each toe, the small bones, tendons, skin and texture. Allow yourself time to navigate around all aspects of each foot and be curious. Do your feet feel the same or does one have more fatigue or energy than the other? What qualities do you notice? Allow yourself to notice any sensations or images.
For many of us, our feet carry our weight throughout the day and are constantly making micro adjustments for balance. Consider how you use your feet and ways in which you do or do not engage them. Just notice what you notice without judgement.
Once you feel complete in your time with your feet, begin to move upwards towards your ankles, shins, calves and onward towards your knees. Along the way spend time with all of these areas or parts of your body, inside and out, bringing the same awareness and observation. Notice what you notice.
You can ask questions or find new information through your visualization guided by imagination. All along the way be open to learning or observing something new. Ask yourself how you feel about parts of your body or what your relationship is to them. Consider how you engage them in your life. Notice if certain parts of your body are easier to connect with than others.
From your knees you can move towards your thighs, hamstrings, hips, genitalia, tail bone and buttocks. Here we begin our exploration of our torso and the spine. The torso with our stomach, back, chest and shoulders houses our major organs, digestive system and more. Let yourself move three dimensionally within your body as you imagine the many layers and components that create your living body.
You can dive into the details of each vertebrae, vein or nerve ending or explore more from the big picture of bones and organs. Wherever your attention takes you, allow yourself to observe, ask questions and simply notice.
From the torso we take a trip down the shoulders into our arms and hands. Notice your elbows, palms and all your fingers. Spend time exploring here before going back up to the neck where the weight of our head negotiates movement. Notice any sensations throughout the neck. Then, just beyond the neck is where the spine culminates in entering our skulls. Take your time to observe the details of your face, ears, hair follicles, sutures of the skull, membranes and structures of the brain. You can go as deep as you are compelled. Simply notice what you notice and remember that anything that comes into your awareness is equal to anything else. Try not to dismiss images, colors or other visualizations. All are what the wisdom of your imagination is offering to you. There is really no right or wrong way to do this.
Once you have completed your journey through the top of your body, the head, then allow yourself to float up above your body. Let yourself see your body as a whole, one magnificent interconnected entity. Notice if there is any area of your body that feels more or less connected. Bring your attention and some breath to this part and see if you can reconnect it to the whole. Otherwise just breathe deeply as you bring your attention to the presence of this incredible entity of you.
Gently allow your attention to soften and just notice your breath. Relax into easy breathing. Notice the points of contact where your body meets the surface it is resting upon. Begin to wiggle your fingers or toes and begin to feel yourself in your physical presence in the room. Gently open your eyes and notice what is in the space around you. Notice how your body, thoughts and spirit feel. Simply notice what you notice as you bridge the space of visualization back to your physical presence in the room.
Welcome back!
You can improvise with this exercise and find new ways to deepen your awareness and connection to your own body. Just notice what you notice while bringing your curiosity and kindness.
Take care and stay in touch!
If you are interested in hearing my podcast guiding you through this exercise, Click Here.

The topic of 'self care' seems to be coming up in conversations a lot lately and to some degree it can mean different things to different people. It can also be more or less affected by life situation and circumstances. But for so many people I speak with, the 'basics' such as sleep, nourishing food, non-'doing' time and water, take a back seat to hectic schedules..... and they acknowledge this. They reflect on their attempts at shifting it but the tone of their reflection tends to move towards a sense of 'failure' in the end or a temporary 'victory'.
So, why is it that in our lives the first thing that seems to depart is basic 'self care'?
And how is it that we have created a culture where this is so common and acceptable and in some arenas (such as jobs or academia) it is expected? Can you imagine if within job culture that 'self care' was viewed as a strength and encouraged?
Now, I understand that in certain circumstances like raising children there is a whole different set of needs and we make necessary sacrifices for our children. But I also understand that it takes a 'village' to raise a child and many of us have lost that 'village' sensibility. Our society has held on high the 'merits' of self sufficiency and privacy. We have become more independent and insular which can often bring on more stress due to lack of integrated support network. (When I say 'integrated' I am referring to a community of support that doesn't just manifest in times of crisis but is ongoing.)
I also believe that self care and child raising can go together and that our cultural legacy has not offered us a strong models for this. (Sometimes we almost wear our exhaustion like a badge of honor or way to 'show' the world we are working hard and earning our merit)
And whether or not you have children are we not always taking care of all the growing aspects of ourselves even as 'adults'? Is there not a growing, nurturing, learning and loving quality to each of our days as we navigate our lives and the many layers of who we are?
It also seems less common to see someone who grew up being taught or shown the unique personal importance of self care. So many children these days watch the adults around them rushing about, eating while on the run, driving while on the phone, 'running late', on their computers/smart phones all the time, distracted etc etc (to name a few). Where do we think young people learn self care? Where did you or I learn our knowledge of self care (and I am talking beyond brushing our teeth and basic hygiene)?
I am not criticizing these qualities of hecticity......some of these are a part of my life too. But......I think it is about balance.......we don't need to choose all or nothing....we each need to discover and integrate balance.
If self care is such a reoccurring topic of conversation and point of reflection (or even the mirror for feeling bad about oneself based on comparison) than there must be something significant about it...yes? And if it is something so many people seem to desire and yet it is elusive perhaps there is something to discover.
So where to begin....?
For me it always begins with a question(s).
I suppose each person would need to start with honestly asking themselves what 'self care' means for them (because it is different for each of us although we will have common themes) and perhaps even ask why it is important.
And then perhaps gently ask without judgement, 'what gets in my way of doing this care?'.
I believe so much begins from within......not from the outside in. You need to connect to your own 'center'......that wise & grounded place in each of us. It is within this center that we can learn about what we need and what gets in our way. The key here is learning to listen and this takes some practice for many of us.
We also need to get out from within the pattern of viewing self care as this elusive quality that we have for a fleeting moment and then we 'mess up'. This always seems like a set up for feeling bad about oneself. Perhaps know that it is already within you and you are simply allowing space for it to emerge. And any time you notice you weren't able to allow it......gently question without judgement. Perhaps be curious and loving as a part of your self care. It might take time but it is truly there within you to cultivate.
(I don't know about you, but I typically feel more willing to be vulnerable in situations that feel safe and nurturing as opposed to ones where it feels harsh and critical. In the latter I am going to protect myself and not open up. If you want to get to know the vulnerable and honest parts of yourself perhaps let go of the criticism and cultivate a compassionate and gentle approach. This is certainly not the model we have learned overall but why not try it?)
So, why not start right now and feel into what is self care for you.
Notice if you feel it is already integrated into your days.
Notice if you have any sense of lacking with it.
Notice what it means to you and the thoughts that tag along in this process.
Simply notice.
You will be your best guide in knowing what is true for you. Just open an environment in yourself for this 'truth' to emerge freely. Continue to cultivate unconditioned love for yourself.......believe that you are doing it with every breath you take.
Why not?
Thanks for reading and sharing.

This practice really is about developing your awareness. Your entire life can change from this one activity. Not that it's an easy activity but it really is a primary one that involves authentic care, kindness and curiosity.
The definition of 'unconscious' is anything not in your awareness.
Even when we're not conscious of so many things, they are happening under the radar. And truly, we need our unconscious because it isn't possible for us to be aware of all things all the time. Just the amount of bodily processes happening in any given moment would be impossible to conceive and process consciously. And then throw in memories, thoughts, habits etc.  So our unconscious is awesome and incredibly helpful but I am suggesting we learn to interact with it more and not just by our default settings.
Think of the iceberg metaphor where consciousness is the tip that sticks out just above the water line and the unconscious is the massive entity in the depths below. I believe that with practice we can lower our water line to reveal more of what is under the surface, influencing our lives and experiences.
Now, it is true that we can live with minimal awareness and this can work fine. But if you are even a little interested, there are tools to help you reveal more of what is happening below the surface of your awareness. Lowering the water line allows you to touch those things that were previously invisible. By making them more visible (tangible) you can interact with them consciously to actually make choices. It's incredible. We are truly empowered to change our ratio of conscious/unconscious.
And as we do this practice it begins to grow exponentially. Because everything you bring into conscious mind has threads or connections to more that is still below the surface. You begin to sense and understand more of the unconscious simply by experiencing what you have brought up into the light thus far.
Okay, so the practice takes effort. Yes. And some might say 'hard work'. And it's not always comfortable. It can feel at first like you are going against the 'grain' of who you are. But often times the habits that we have developed don't even register as habits. They simply feel like an integrated aspect of who we are. They are what you think of as 'you'. So to change a habit can feel like going against the grain of what is familiar as you. And any habit, thought or feeling can become absolutely familiar and comfortable. Even something like anger or melancholy (which on the surface we might identify as being unpleasant, can become part of your familiar comfort zone and habit). When you develop your awareness and lower your water line to reveal your unconscious habits, you can ask yourself if they are life affirming habits and whether or not you want to engage them. So, the work really is about developing your awareness to reveal what is below the surface so you can choose to interact and potentially create alternate habits. This can apply to anything in your life.
But in the beginning it is a learning curve for sure. And it can feel like going through withdrawal to not engage some of these well ingrained habits. The cool thing is that once you are cultivating your awareness and your observation skills, it becomes easier.
The moment to moment noticing of thoughts becomes more effortless. It's like you have developed a new, core sense. It becomes second nature to discern what is or is not life affirming for you. Awareness becomes a new habit and perpetuates even more awareness. It becomes ubiquitous. You then find you have shifted that ratio of conscious to unconscious. You have lowered your water line by choice.

Check out this companion video "Lowering the Water Line"

Judgement……what role does it serve in our lives and world?  What does it illicit in you as you read the word?
I am fascinated in watching it in myself and all around as it seems quite persistent.  Is it inherent or is it conditioned?  Does it serve the health and well being of us all?  Is it a nourishing (adjective:containing substances necessary for growth, health, and vibrance) element or something that deprives nourishment?  What role does it play?
These are some of the questions I ask myself. (and I have come to appreciate using the concept of ‘nourishment’ as a barometer in my questioning)
And I find myself so amazed at how pervasive it is in most arenas of human interaction and thought and how rarely do I see it nourish people or situations.
I should clarify here that ‘judgement’ as I am addressing it is different from the definition of it as opinion or decisions based on one’s wise and practical conclusions.  The judgement I am speaking of is along the lines of making someone else or yourself greater than or lesser than.
(To criticize or condemn someone from a position of assumed moral superiority.  Or to sit in judgment assuming the right to judge someone, esp. in a critical manner.)
I support everyone’s right to opinions and celebrate it emphatically.  This is an important detail so as not to confuse what it is I am questioning.
I am questioning our choice, each of us, to judge or criticize in most situations.  I am curious how we feel it supports growth and health for all and what it serves within us when we engage or perpetuate it?
Do we judge things when they threaten the comfort of our own held belief systems?  Do we feel a need to defend what feels safe and familiar within us and that which we are attached to?  By minimizing the existence of other ideas, thoughts, feelings and ways of living are we somehow trying to create a sense of personal power in a world that is inconceivably diverse in human and natural design?  Do we simply feel engaging judgement is benign and doesn’t really need to be questioned?  Or perhaps it is our right to judge and criticize and is as natural as eating and sleeping.
Imagine for a moment if you can that you moved to a city where judgement didn’t exist.  How would you explain it to other people and the purpose of engaging it?  But even more so…..imagine how it would feel to be in a place where you would never be judged and where your own internal judgements dissipated.  (remember that judgement in this context is not opinion or experience)
Can you sit back and close your eyes for one moment and see if you can feel that in your body and breathe it in even if you might not believe it is possible.  What do you notice?
For me I notice that there is a feeling of relaxation and ease within me.
I think it is tricky sometimes because judgement and criticism can be slippery allies with opinion and only our own internal knowing can understand our intentions.  I personally tend to dismantle down to the most subtle of thoughts and energies in myself so I can come to know more about my inner workings and offer new possibilities that allow for more nourishment for myself and others. In this practice I will even question my engaging in comparisons or how I speak information in social contexts.  I can see how craftily and indirect the judgement in me can manifest because those parts of me have a perceived notion of survival on some level.  It is pretty impressive and what I always come back to is love without conditions and compassion for those parts of myself.  When I am able to witness ways they engage in judgement and all its derivatives, I can simply become curious, loving and compassionate for the ways they have learned to ‘survive’.  And it is through witnessing and presence with them that the possibility of growing more into nourishing dynamic is possible.
That is me……at least today……
What does judgement or criticism serve or nourish in your life and can you ask the questions without judging what you notice in yourself?